TM CONTEMPORARY IS CLOSED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE

by order of the Federal District Court

Manhattan County

12th District

SEPARATED AT BIRTS!

It's true! Dominic the Tooth and Carmine have discovered relationships previously unknown onlies to theirs Ma.

Exceptin, they don't know which Ma it is. Dominick's Ma wit the forbidden freezer (and what's that all about, I ask ya?) or Carmine's Ma wit the ponies at the Big A. Some say the fartha is Jorge the Stooper, some say the fartha is the Bruddah Fartha Mike!

As for me, I say just wear the damn TM Contemprary Tee Shirts a Bargain at Only $24.99 especially if you buys the slightly imperfect ones which is usually the only kind we sell.

An since this is a Tax Free week thanks to Mikey Bloomberg hisself, I'll throw in the tax as well-- $28.99!

An if you buys wit the new NannyWorld Empire GoldCard (see NannyNotes for those of yous not payin attention)--you get a chance to win the NannyWorld Sweepstakes! Where we comes to your door wit flowers and kissy and a big grando prizo check!

Also you might win a paintin or sumptin as a consternation prize!

So buy them imperfect TM Contemporary T Shirts now befores they all turn perfect or someting!

You gotta be in one to win one!

In Retail Forever,
Nanny Tina, Gallerina!

Whew! That was close! I got stuck in the internet of 21 st and 8th! Oy. Two cabs, lotsa yellin, me sweet tawkin the cop to get us movin, and den my pants get caught in the backseats of the patrol car sos I had to cut a little patch out… So don’t stare at my ass when I talk this stuff.

OK. Welcome to the Art World.

Boy, is it dull in here or is it me? I feel, like, washed out or sumptin. I told her to get lights in this place…

Anyways, welcome to the Art World and welcomes to TM Contemporary (although what contemmmorary means I never figured out) Gallery of Art of this Universe.

Behind me – and I means behind where I’m standing like I told you not to stare at the hole in my ass – there are two workers, working. Say hello workers workin! They said hello! (between yous and me, they been doin the same ting for 4 hours, what it is don’t ask me….)

I have been asked by our Directrice, Nanny Molly, to explains why we take in the art that we takes in. And ya know, I’m gonna give it to yous straight. I’m gonna let Nanny Molly use all the big words and stuff and I’m gonna tell you the straight dope. So fer all yous artists out there, I have one word for yous: oil.

The price of oil is hittin the roof --- ya gotta get in on it on the ground floor. Forget your pencils and your pastelis, and all the stuff that looks like it’s brought in by Sal of Sanit and left. Ya gets your oils, you gets your canvas, and you start schmearin. Because the bigger the canvas, the more oils, the more money we get, the more money you get.

That’s all there is to it.

I don’t care if yous schmearin pictchas of mountains and cowboys or just schmearin emotionally – what I like to call Abject Expression-y – just use them oils. Cause if you start using like pastelis on paper (sorta like pastrami on rye!), we go down in price immediately. When we go to the dumped stuff that Sal brings in, again we have a DPR (that’s Drastic Price Reduction for all yous not in retail).

OK that’s it. I gotta get out of here before I witter away for good. (Jeez what a dump…) I need a little nosh to make me whole again. An speakin of holes, I gotta plug this air conditionin’ I got in my ass . . .

Note to Paul – oops! That was me steering (get it steerin’ hahahah!) Missy to the door but it was an accident. I looked, saw no oil, but a pile of poop an figured no way is she gonna make it into Nanny Molly’s A-list. But who knew? She’s now on top of the heap!

It just goes to show that even a TRG – a True Retailing Genius – like myself can have off days. Luckily , they is few.

THE NEW DOWNTOWN DIVA?


Reprinted from Page Six

It’s buzzing even among the set just back from their Rocky Mountain vacations. Those who aren’t imagining double lives as naughty cowboys are buzzing about the inside hush-hush: NannyWorld Enterprises is opening a Chelsea Gallery in February. Our anonymous source, initials A.B., told us at Elaine’s last night that this was going to be the art crowd destination. “Confidentially” she slurred to me after her third vodka martini, “Since the top tier crowd drifted away from MOMA after that disastrous episode last fall, the A List is looking for a focus of Hot. It’s fun and it's being with ones own kind of people.”

It’s rumored that a certain auction house CEO was seen dancing cheek to cheek with Nanny Molly at the DiscoInsanity Ball on New Year’s Eve. This wasn’t romance; it was corporate collusion amid the two-step and the samba. No one will talk, but we know how to dig! Greg Lupez, an orderly at New York Hospital, reported that he heard a patient, an obese gentleman in for a removal procedure, mumbling as he came out from anesthesia while in the recovery room. According to Lupez, the gallery, unnamed as yet, will have style that is “simply not gray and simply not beige.”

Nanny Molly seen yesterday with Crandall Arthstrom in front of the installation now on view in the Project Room at MOMA. The installation, by recent MacArthur winner Guidoleenza Frentl, is titled, The Project Room. It is on view until March 13, 2006. Nanny Molly would only say, “Isn’t it marvelous,” when asked to comment but repeated “No comment,” when asked about her Chelsea plans.

Yeah, like hi, gallery!!!!!!! Heres my painting just finished man those numbers were incredible with the stencils an my friends helped we had so much fun last night its sitting here in LIC waiting for you I lke your space connectsion and you have a thin going that is so way not cool but then cool ya know and im cool as well as hot which you are not so call me i really really no art incredibly good and also artists.

salome dirkirk-jones.

Thank you for your submission.



Dear Mr. Ronnie Tandy:

Your submission arrived yesterday and was uncrated this evening. After careful examination our curators feel that this work is over-ripe for our viewing audience. The work, though masterful, does not reflect our gallery's position at this time. The I-Miss-the-Seventies moment passed last spring and is not scheduled for recyclementation until Spring 2009. Although we are unable to return your 48' x 34' acrylic and nailpolish on canvas, I Am Dirt and I Mean It Absolutely this Time, my associate, Nanny Tina, has found a local home for wayward young women where it will be used in the commons area to encourage creativity and a spirit of sharing among the residents.

Thank you again.
Nanny Molly
Gallerist
TM CONTEMPORARY

IT ARRIVED BY MESSENGER AND EVEN HE WAS ANGRY

He ran into Mr. Tooth who was taking a stroll with his eyes closed to find his center. Each had a different story, but the gentleman from We Deliver Like a Rat in Labor Messenger Service said that the impact with Mr. Tooth bent his front wheel out of alignment. I assured him that the Mr. Tooth was, in fact, regaining his alignment and that once he had his button removed, he'd be fine. Then Bodgan asked the messenger for his identification and complained about his penmanship. Readers, It was a festival of bad manners. I intervened and signed for the letter, calmed Mr. Tooth who keeps scratching at that forehead button and gave the messenger cash for a repair. Mr. Marfranz, the boy poet-critic is already peeved at us (see above). What Chelsea may need is not another gallery but a Charm School.

A tired Nanny Molly
Director
TM Contemporary

PS. Readers, even in the face of challenges we must B E L I E V E.

Dear TM Contemporary and Miss Nanny Molly:

Is this the place for submissions? I have a young artist who would like to submit to your gallery up in New York. Her name is Tracy Anne and this is her drawing. I had to pull it away from her so it got a little ripped and poked with her pencil when she bit me, but it is still good and she's showing some talent don't you think? Can you sell this young bratty art there in New York like you said you wanted? Tell me and I will send her right along on the Greyhound bus. It comes through town on Fridays so if yes you can be expecting her to arrive by Sunday evening. Let me know. The other twelve of my kids are pretty good drawers too. Maybe you could do something like form a chorus of drawers at your gallery only making drawings not singing like choruses usually do.
Thanks a lot, Nanny Molly.

Yours truly,
Mr. Jenks Ohlmson
RD#2 Onamore Schoolhouse Road
Upper Clone Lake, Michigan
(where we just got seventeen foot of snow)

Readers All, another day of running, negotiating, arranging, smoothing some ruffled feathers. This is the gallery world and I love it. In NannyWorld everyone is so easy and flowing but here in Chelsea everything needs tweaking, smoothing, smooching, tightening, salting, rubbing, salving, I'm running out of gerunds! Above you see an archival photo from this afternoon. We had light briefly when the electricians made a mistake. My eyes were startled at first but what I thought was a masterwork was Mr. Uh...Uh... who had wandered in here looking for Nanny Bela. And over on the other side was Dominic. Mr. Tooth has become very shy. He refuses my gaze now because he is embarassed by Nanny Tina's Personal On-Star Button in his forehead. It isn't very becoming given his sturdy body. Something about it makes him too triangular. I told him to suggest that it be removed, no questions asked. So to stay on point, the nice gentleman you see with me is Todd S. (he doesn't want his sirname shared). He and I have just agreed to a lovely arrangement with his uptown auction house. It will help our pricing and encourage a profit margin which is favorable to both of us. Oops! Then the lights went out again and the electrician yelled something in a romance language I'm unfamiliar with. Signing off for now, Darlings,
Nanny Molly